Swapna Dutta, my Mother: Sixth Chapter

27 August 2025 — A month has passed since my Mother's death. In this series of writings I have been recalling memories of her. At the same time, I have tried to ensure that these writings do not become the diary of one individual, but touch something broader, something of life itself. That is why, as you may have noticed in earlier chapters, much of the space is not only about my mother but also about wider reflections.

I am not attempting a simple chronological biography — this day she did this, that day that happened, another day we went there. Instead, I am trying to portray, through words, the inner, intellectual and emotional image of a person, and at the same time the larger reality of human life and feelings.

Me in my Mother's lap.
A photo from the end of 1988. 
I was one year old.

There is a saying that simply to be alive — the life — is itself a burden. This lament is ancient, yet even today the same realisation applies, perhaps more strongly than before.

Education, healthcare, housing, love — these had already become commodities long ago. Now, with each passing day, they are slipping further and further out of reach. I will not even mention luxuries. The most basic necessities of life themselves appear scarce and difficult to attain.

The gap between desire and capacity keeps widening. In a country like ours, you don't avail of health and education facilities, you purchase them.

Life feels like a burden — a liability — pressing down on one's back. And its weight keeps growing heavier.

The relentless and excessive commercialisation and commodification of life's most essential elements ought, naturally, to be a matter of deep social concern. The problem is that the stage of concern was crossed long ago.

Added to this is a severe lack of empathy. In the second, third and fifth chapters I wrote about this absence of feeling. Overall, there exists a profound imbalance — an atmosphere of hatred and neglect.

Violence, hatred, corruption, fraud, displays of ego, contempt for one another — all these ills that we notice may well be expressions of something deeper, the hidden states of our minds and emotions. It is possible that all behaviour is rooted in such inner or subterranean levels. What we see, and label as "the problem," is merely the surface expression. The real issue lies much deeper. And if that is true, then the situation is far more complex.

Sahir Ludhianvi (1921–1980) wrote a ghazal called Taj Mahal. It was used in the 1964 film "Ghazal". The song was addressed to the Taj Mahal, the symbol of love.

Hindi
इक शहंशाह ने दौलत का सहारा ले कर

हम ग़रीबों की मोहब्बत का उड़ाया है मज़ाक़।

Transliteration
Ik shahanshah ne daulat ka sahara lekar

Ham gareebon ki mohabbat ka udaya hai mazak.

English translation
An emperor, leaning on the power of his wealth, 

Made a mockery of the love of people like us, the poor.

The song carries a refrain of loss, a tone of pain that recurs again and again. Alongside it returns, repeatedly, a plea—

Hindi
मेरी महबूब कहीं और मिला कर मुझ से।

Transliteration
Meri mehboob kahin aur milakar mujhse.

English translation
My beloved, let us meet somewhere else.

My Mother died on 27 August. Inside me there is a deep exhaustion. There is sorrow, but also unease. If my Mother had been alive today, what vast circumstantial difference would it have made? The same doctors, medicines, hospitals with their soaring bills; the same indifference and apathy ll around. It is not as though her survival would have transformed everything into paradise. She would only have worn away further from within.

My Mother. I am in her lap, sitting in the middle.
On the either side Rupen and Tupai, neighbours.
The photo is from around 1990. I was about three years old then. 

A sense of unease and uncertainty weighs on my mind.

Mother, I am really sad you are not here. I love you. But let's not meet here—not here anymore—let's meet somewhere else.

Meri mehboob kahin aur milakar mujhse.

স্বপ্না দত্ত, আমার মা (Swapna Dutta, my Mother)

• ● বাংলায় পড়ুন: প্রথম অধ্যায়, দ্বিতীয় অধ্যায়, তৃতীয় অধ্যায় (সংযোজন), চতুর্থ অধ্যায় (প্রথম পরিচ্ছেদ, দ্বিতীয় পরিচ্ছেদ, তৃতীয় পরিচ্ছেদ), পঞ্চম অধ্যায়, ষষ্ঠ অধ্যায়, সপ্তম অধ্যায় (প্রথম পরিচ্ছেদ)
• ● Read in English: First Chapter, Second Chapter, Third Chapter (Addendum), Fourth Chapter (Part I, Part II, Part III), Fifth Chapter, Sixth Chapter, Seventh Chapter (Part I)

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This page was last updated on: 29 August 2025
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